I wasn't going to share this story...but it's too good to hold back, and I think I can make it vanilla enough that you can enjoy without me giving you all the details. *Names have been changed to protect the innocent*
Now, sit back and mull over this doozy. For your reading pleasure, I've broken this up into chapters. It's a bit (OK, a LOT) on the long side. Sorry!
This story, like many others, starts with a boy. We'll call him Naive Boy or NB. Well NB makes a career change that requires he travel halfway across the country to start training. During this flight he meets a girl that we're going to call Crazy Lady or CL.
Well, NB and CL talk a bit while sitting next to each other on the flight and are kinda interested in each other. Not enough to exhange phone numbers - but enough to exchange addresses.
Fast forward three weeks (of no contact) and a letter shows up in NB's mailbox. CL wrote a letter that was six pages - DOUBLE SIDED pledging her undying devotion to NB. I'm told that she waxed poetic of how they are fated to be together. All very Shakespearean. Luckily NB sees the utter lunacy in this letter and throws it away. To his utter disbelief (and mine amongst others) - a similar letter shows up two weeks later that is also thrown away.
About six months have gone by and not a peep from CL. All believe that NB is in the clear. No such luck my fine friends! NB gets a FaceBook account one day and CL immediately finds him. Literally the first day he had the FaceBook account; no joke. And he even more naively included his phone number, email, etc. on his FaceBook page. Dumbass!
Over the next 7 months or so, NB settles into a routine of ignoring CL's intermittent FaceBook messages and e-flirting. He certainly doesn't encourage her... but a girl like her is taking silence as agreement. Then she announces that she's flying into Boston and demands to see NB! I watched with humor as he emailed, texted and ultimately tried to talk her out of coming to Boston. CL showed up in our fine city. NB faked sick as the only acceptable excuse he could find to get out of seeing her.
A span of 5-6 more months pass with virtually no contact from CL. Halle-freaking-lujah!
NB gets sent on an extended work assignment. This puts CL in a tizzy when she reads this on FB and she again professes her undying devotion. During this time frequent messages of support/encouragement/pride are posted on NB's FaceBook wall by friends and family & a number of us respond to his status updates as soon as they pop up.
Our attentiveness garners a (female) friend and I nasty-grams from CL. She wants to know who we are, what we want, an explanation of our relationship with NB and essentially tells us to back off. It was the FaceBook equivolent of marking her territory. After a giggle over the ridiculousness of CL, both my friend and I wrote return nasty-grams. Childish? Perhaps. Do I regret it? Not for a single second. Come to find out - she wrote similar nasty-grams to other female friends of NB. It seems that we all independently pointed out that if she was important in NB's life - she'd know who we were.
NB returns from his work assignment and catchs wind of all the havoc CL has created. He calls her to tell her to stop. Somehow, she hears - TRY HARDER and starts writing suggestive comments on his FaceBook wall. He deletes said comments. This angers her. She announces she has a boyfriend and leaves NB alone for almost 2 months.
CL dumps her boyfriend and starts FaceBook stalking NB again about two weeks ago. NB ignores her, which makes her even more determined.
This brings us to last night. I find out the CL has tracked down NB's mom on FaceBook and written her an extremely lengthy email. It implores NB's mom to convince NB to talk to her, incites how stubborn NB is for not responding to her and states that CL just can't imagine living without NB. "They deserve forever."
I feel like I should point out that CL and NB's mom have never physically met, never spoken to each other and most of all that NB's mom would like to go the rest of her life without meeting this crazy bitch.
What do you think? Can I pitch this real life story to Days of Our Lives? I wish I could make this kind of stuff up. There are so many more details that I want to tell all of you!!