March 04, 2010

A Big Ole Basket Of CRAZY!!

I wasn't going to share this story...but it's too good to hold back, and I think I can make it vanilla enough that you can enjoy without me giving you all the details. *Names have been changed to protect the innocent*

Now, sit back and mull over this doozy. For your reading pleasure, I've broken this up into chapters. It's a bit (OK, a LOT) on the long side. Sorry!

Chapter 1
This story, like many others, starts with a boy. We'll call him Naive Boy or NB. Well NB makes a career change that requires he travel halfway across the country to start training. During this flight he meets a girl that we're going to call Crazy Lady or CL.

Well, NB and CL talk a bit while sitting next to each other on the flight and are kinda interested in each other. Not enough to exhange phone numbers - but enough to exchange addresses.

Chapter 2
Fast forward three weeks (of no contact) and a letter shows up in NB's mailbox. CL wrote a letter that was six pages - DOUBLE SIDED pledging her undying devotion to NB. I'm told that she waxed poetic of how they are fated to be together. All very Shakespearean. Luckily NB sees the utter lunacy in this letter and throws it away. To his utter disbelief (and mine amongst others) - a similar letter shows up two weeks later that is also thrown away.

Chapter 3
About six months have gone by and not a peep from CL. All believe that NB is in the clear. No such luck my fine friends! NB gets a FaceBook account one day and CL immediately finds him. Literally the first day he had the FaceBook account; no joke. And he even more naively included his phone number, email, etc. on his FaceBook page. Dumbass!

Chapter 4
Over the next 7 months or so, NB settles into a routine of ignoring CL's intermittent FaceBook messages and e-flirting. He certainly doesn't encourage her... but a girl like her is taking silence as agreement. Then she announces that she's flying into Boston and demands to see NB! I watched with humor as he emailed, texted and ultimately tried to talk her out of coming to Boston. CL showed up in our fine city. NB faked sick as the only acceptable excuse he could find to get out of seeing her.

Chapter 5
A span of 5-6 more months pass with virtually no contact from CL. Halle-freaking-lujah!

Chapter 6
NB gets sent on an extended work assignment. This puts CL in a tizzy when she reads this on FB and she again professes her undying devotion. During this time frequent messages of support/encouragement/pride are posted on NB's FaceBook wall by friends and family & a number of us respond to his status updates as soon as they pop up.

Our attentiveness garners a (female) friend and I nasty-grams from CL. She wants to know who we are, what we want, an explanation of our relationship with NB and essentially tells us to back off. It was the FaceBook equivolent of marking her territory. After a giggle over the ridiculousness of CL, both my friend and I wrote return nasty-grams. Childish? Perhaps. Do I regret it? Not for a single second. Come to find out - she wrote similar nasty-grams to other female friends of NB. It seems that we all independently pointed out that if she was important in NB's life - she'd know who we were.

Chapter 7
NB returns from his work assignment and catchs wind of all the havoc CL has created. He calls her to tell her to stop. Somehow, she hears - TRY HARDER and starts writing suggestive comments on his FaceBook wall. He deletes said comments.  This angers her. She announces she has a boyfriend and leaves NB alone for almost 2 months.

Chapter 8
CL dumps her boyfriend and starts FaceBook stalking NB again about two weeks ago. NB ignores her, which makes her even more determined.

Chapter 9
This brings us to last night. I find out the CL has tracked down NB's mom on FaceBook and written her an extremely lengthy email. It implores NB's mom to convince NB to talk to her, incites how stubborn NB is for not responding to her and states that CL just can't imagine living without NB. "They deserve forever."

I feel like I should point out that CL and NB's mom have never physically met, never spoken to each other and most of all that NB's mom would like to go the rest of her life without meeting this crazy bitch.

What do you think? Can I pitch this real life story to Days of Our Lives? I wish I could make this kind of stuff up. There are so many more details that I want to tell all of you!!


  1. wow. and I thought Josh's ex was a psycho...she's nothing compared to this girl!

  2. Wow. That is a pretty crazy story. I'm not sure Days of Our Lives can handle that much drama!

  3. Soap watchers probably wouldn't buy it...they've bought freezing a town...but this... nope not gonna fly

  4. HAHA! You did a great job of telling the story!

  5. i love to hear about other people's encounter with crazy people.

  6. Definitely sounds like a soap opera!

  7. Putting aside the fact that this woman is a total full blown freak...
    Why would you give your address to a total stranger?

    Thank God for people who have this kind of drama, it gives entertainment to the rest of us without involving the rest of us.
    Great story!

  8. Wow. Just, wow!

    He needs to un-friend her and block her on FB ASAP. What a nut job!

  9. Thank you for always stopping by my blog and for commenting on Azul! I hope to get back posting recipes and linking up to you!


  10. That is freaking bananas. You'll have to update us with what happens!

  11. How about Life Time.. I think they would so go for it..

    Have a great weekend.

  12. Um, how is giving her the ADDRESS to the place that you live safer than giving her your phone number? He's lucky she hasn't shown up on his doorstep with handcuffs and duct tape! CRAZY.

  13. Haha - that is crazy! I mean ,she is crazy!!! Do you ever watch "How I met your mother?" I love that show, but this week's episode was all about being on the "hook" for someone else. Meaning they keep telling you "it won't workout" or "maybe sometime, not now" but really it will never happen. It sounds like CL is totally on the hook of NB and won't get off even when he says to!

  14. that hooman is Dang Crazy and she's also sick!!!

    she should get a life and soon!!!
    you narrate very well and yes, the soap writers couldn't have done a better job bol!!!


  15. LOL...Cole, this story is priceless...and could probably be a best seller...I say write a book!!

  16. Dang! What a super psycho! She sounds like that one girl on the Bachelor...

  17. I believe some writers could learn a thing or two from you! Some people are just crazy and have nothing better to do with themselves! DRAMAAA!

  18. Holy crapola!!! Whoever NB is (I think I know who) has a deranged stalker!!! Can't he tell the authorities? And what possessed him to put his phone number and such on FB! Have you taught the dork nothing????

    Very entertaining to be sure!

    Justine :o )

  19. I have something for you on my blog..


  20. OMG what a crazy girl! Poor NB! I am almost scared to find out what happens at the end of all this!

  21. dear Cole,

    thanks for your comments on my first post. i have an award for your support and it may be awhile before we can chat again

    your new supporter,

  22. what a nutjob! i hope she finds your blog and reads this. then sees that 1/22222222 of the blogosphere also thinks she's a creepster.


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